Damn, Big 12 Bowl action starts tonight! I got so caught up in all the amazing and wonderful holiday traditions (sleeping in, drinking too much) that I almost failed to write my annual Big XII Bowl Extravaganza before the deadline! I bet about 0 people would have really missed reading this!
In case you care, and I know that you don’t, I finished the 2009 regular season with a pathetic 68-28 record and a completely embarrassing 38-46-2 record against the spread. At least I have the balls to admit my record this year. I promise, 2010 will be different. My New Years Resolution is to quit being so terrible at picking games. But if you think I’m terrible at picking games, I’m even more terrible at sticking to resolutions. So who knows what will happen. And who knows what will happen in these stupid bowl games. But I’m gonna pick ‘em anyway! Let’s go….
Texas A&M vs Georgia (-7), Independence Bowl: Monday December 28 4:00pm
The Ags and Dawgs start Big 12 bowl play with an unstable 4 pm kickoff slot. We have a Monday Night Football game on ESPN and Brett Favre demands that we start that game on time, god damnit. The line for this potential shootout is anywhere from 6 ½ to an inexplicable 9 ½ (5Dimes). Uhh….Georgia a 9 ½ point favorite against a team who can run the ball? How long does it take me to open a 5Dimes account? Believe me, I looked up the account creation procedure, and I would have laid coin on the Aggies right then and there if the stupid 5Dimes website didn’t charge a $20 “deposit fee”. The A&M run game should give UGA fits, if Sherman effectively utilizes it. And if Jerrod Johnson can be half as amazing as he was on Thanksgiving, it will be enough to move the chains. My only fear is that Georgia’s typical SEC bullshit offensive “strategy” – run, run, 3rd & long play action bomb – may actually work against A&M’s horrible cornerbacks. AJ Green will get his, for sure. Still, I feel pretty comfortable taking the Ags to at least cover the spread in this one, since they didn’t beat the Horns on Thanksgiving night. And that leads me to my Texas A&M factoid of the day: Since 1967, the Aggies are 4-13 in bowl games following a Texas victory. They are 5-4 in bowl games following a Texas loss. Buckle up, it’s shootout time in Shreveport. BULLDOGS – 37 Aggies – 34
Nebraska vs Arizona (-1.5), Holiday Bowl: Wednesday December 30 7:00pm
I wonder if it’s possible to write a preview of the Nebraska-Arizona game without mentioning Ndamukong Suh 15 times? No, it is not. Suh deserves a shit ton of credit for that dominating performance against Texas, as well as his one-man destruction of Mizzou, but the rest of the Huskers defense ain’t bad either. Let’s just put it this way…as card carrying members of the Weak Sister Pac 10, Arizona ain’t seen nothing like what Suh and the Blackshirts will bring to San Diego. Nebraska’s offense is still an insult to the game of football, but maybe Bo Pelini can figure out a way to put Suh the backfield on short yardage situations. How about a Suh goal line carry, Refrigerator Perry style, as a nice sendoff to the NFL? I expect Suh and the boys up front to harass Arizona all day long. Even worse, they’ll force errors which will set up short fields for the special needs Cornhusker offense. Against Texas, the Huskers couldn’t capitialize on the gifts. Arizona ain’t Texas. And I only jammed 6 Suh references into this entry, not 15. I’m full of fail. Huskers – 27 Wildcats – 14
Oklahoma (-10) vs Stanford, Sun Bowl: Thursday December 31, 1:00pm
I have absolutely no interest in this game. This is a completely demoralized and injured OU team going up against an overrated Stanford squad missing its starting quarterback. Tavita Pritchard takes over as Stanford’s signal caller for the bowl game. Sounds like the point guard for their women’s hoops team. He (?) threw for exactly 1 yard this season. 1 yard. He’ll add maybe 40 or 50 to that total in this game. The announcing crew will surely nauseate you with their constant fellating of Toby Gerhart, but I don’t care how good he is…there is no way in hell he’s running for more than 60 yards against a Sooner defense that is more than stout up front and that has no passing game to worry about. By the way…over/under on this game is 55. Fifty-freakin-five. Has the whole world gone crazy? Maybe I DO need to reopen that sportsbook account. SOONERS – 28 Tree – 16
Mizzou (-6.5) vs Navy, Texas Bowl: Thursday December 31, 2:30pm
Everything in my gut tells me that Missouri should win this game with ease. But there are some alarming signs that give me pause. Mizzou is 1-8 against the spread in their last 9 games versus a team with a winning record. Navy’s triple option gives teams fits, especially teams with reputation for poor discipline and effort (hello, Mizzou!). Gary Pinkel will once again stand on the Missouri sideline. These are three very alarming warning signs. And this is why Mizzou will only win by a field goal at the buzzer. The Tiger players will wildly celebrate and run around the field like they won something of substance…the rest of the conference will hang its head in shame. TIGERS – 27 Midshipmen – 24
Iowa State vs Minnesota (-2.5), Insight Bowl: Thursday December 31, 5:00pm
Minnesota is missing its top wideout, Eric Decker, for the bowl game. He’s been out since October with injury. Eric Decker is Minnesota’s version of Jordan Shipley. And yes, I say that because both of them are white and they both remind me of a young Ed McCaffrey. The Gophers offense has been shit since Decker left the team. They have been held to 16 or less points in 4 of their last 6 games. Including a 16-13 win at home over….South Dakota State. There are two unexplained points explosions against the Big 10’s most Jekyll and Hyde teams – Michigan State (42 pts) and Illinois (32 pts). Much of the scoring versus Illinois came late when the game was basically already over. I like Iowa State to pull the upset and make Paul Rhoads’ first season in Ames a humongous success. CYCLONES – 24 Gophers – 17
Oklahoma State vs Mississippi (-3), Cotton Bowl: Saturday January 2, 1:00pm
There is dumb, there is retarded, and then there is wagering on a game between Houston Nutt and Mike Gundy. You should stay away from this game as if it has HIV. I don’t even want to bother analyzing this crap because you have no idea what could happen. Jevan Snead could press and throw 4 picks, or he could torch oSu for 450 and 3 scores. Mike Gundy’s offense could work to perfection, or the Pokes could continue their trend of laying the football on the turf (13 fumbles lost) as a friendly peace offering to its opponent. I literally flipped a coin and it told me that Ole Miss wins. Random score generator says…. REBELS – 33 Cowboys – 24
Texas Tech (-8) vs Michigan State, Alamo Bowl: Saturday January 2, 8:00pm
Just show up, Tech. Show up, and play like you’re interested in football. That’s all you have to do. Michigan State’s pass defense is THE SUCK. Think about this for a second. The Spartans rank 103rd in the country in pass defense…and they play in the Big 10, where the forward pass is still a strange phenomenon met with curious unease by the conference’s Stone Age coaching staffs. Quick! Name 4 QBs from the Big 10. Yeah, that’s what I thought. Just show up and play your game, Tech. And a big thumbs down to the Alamo Bowl officials for setting this matchup. It’s just not even fair to make Sparty play Tech in their bowl game. Next year’s 2010 Alamo Bowl will feature Christians vs Lions. RED RAIDERS – 38 Sparty – 20
Texas vs Alabama (-4.5), BCS National Championship Game: Thursday January 7, 7:00pm
Ahhh, not yet! Sorry if you read all the way to this point expecting my grand prediction on the big game. I’ll release that sometime on 1/1/10. If anyone will be watching football all day on New Year’s Day I was thinking of Live Blogging. I plan to cook much food and drink an obscene amount of beer. And since I won’t leave me couch, maybe you’d like to join me in cyberspace for some football talkin’ shenanigans? Let me know.
This post is tagged 5Dimes, a terrible season, deposit fees, Gary Pinkel sucks, HIV, offseason looms, Paul Rhoads, sad end to the season, SEC bullshit offense, Suh, Tree
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I don’t think Nebraska is capable of scoring 27 points but we’ll see. I’m up for the live blog thing but the last time you did it you disappeared for hours at a time. We would like a commitment from our fearless leader this time to stick with it. Also, no confusing double posting by usernames. It was like an episode of The United States of Tara or whatever that crazy show is on Showtime about the lady with multiple personalities.
A&M should have made that game much more respectable last night. Their special teams was an absolute disaster. Kickoff return, blocked punt, muffed punt, blocked field goal. Am I missing anything?
Johnson was nowhere near as accurate as he was against Texas. He’s got a great arm but he makes some stunningly bad decisions. Next year Texas A&M is going to be hard to predict. They will be capable of knocking off good teams, but they’ll also be capable of falling flat on their faces. Sounds like a traditional Aggie football team to me.
If I was Mike Sherman I would bring in a hypnotist and put the players under to make them see Longhorn uniforms on their bowl opponent. This would guarantee they play out their ass, thus giving them a much better chance at a win.
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