Football and YouTube is the perfect marriage.  What did we ever do before the internet?  After games ended, we had the Sunday or Monday paper.  And the occasional coaches show.  And then it was a long wait until the next Saturday.

The beautiful age of YouTube and the internet allows me to combine many of my favorite passions during the work week: College football, laughing, and avoiding as much actual work as possible.

And so, in honor of this beautiful union between sport and technology, ut-tailgaters.com presents the first, and last, annual 2009 YouTube Awards for Excellence in Football Shenanigans.  There are multiple categories, because I like to keep things organized.  Vote for your favorite 3.  And then later I’ll tell you the winners!!!!!!!!  WOW!

CATEGORY 1 – ANNOUNCERS GONE WILD

Gus Johnson –

Any “Best of YouTube” list must include Gus Johnson.  Gus’ greatness is typically reserved for March, when his magical powers allow him to somehow call every great tourney finish.  But Gus has a nice run going on Sundays, too.  I tuned into this Wk 1 snoozer midway through the 4^th.  I heard Gus in the booth, and I KNEW that there would surely be some sort of crazy finish.  Little did I know ….JUST how great it would be.  An A+ Gus Johnson sportsgasm.

Who is Zac Lee?  –

I like Ron Franklin.  It’s a travesty that ESPN keeps bumping him down the announcer food chain while Mark Jones and Bob Davie, of “Davie Jones Locker” fame, somehow pull prime-time duty.  But, Ron…  Come on!  This was inexcusable.  How can you not know the starting quarterback at NEBRASKA?   Even if he IS terrible???

Dave Lapham keeps it in the family –

I DISLIKE Dave Lapham, as I may have mentioned a time or two on this blog.  No list of announcing gaffes would be complete without another awkward and accidentally inappropriate entry from our old pal Lapham – originator of “Face Rape”.

As a bonus, Dave Lapham teaches you how to say the alphabet backwards!  Next year, look for other exciting educational videos from Lapham, including: “How to pour a glass of water.” and “How to sleep.”

CATEGORY 2 – SCHADENFREUDE

Clemson fan -

Kudos to ESPN for recognizing a YouTube classic in the making and just letting that camera shot linger…and linger…  In this age of HD cameras swinging from ziplines all around the stadium, you gotta keep your poker face, no matter how bad things get.  You don’t want to compound a loss by ending up as comedic fodder for internet message boards and friends from rival schools.

Arkansas fan –

This is greatness.  The good stuff starts at 1:06 if you have ADD.  If you’ve forgotten, Arkansas got royally jobbed by the refs in their bid for an upset over #1 Florida.  I love the delicate balance between murderous rage and considerate behavior.  Not once does he swear.  As a fan that’s let fly a few reflexive F-bombs within earshot of children at games, I can say…that kind of restraint takes SKILL.

Crying kid hates Texas –

This was from the ‘08 season, but it happened in ‘09, and it involves Texas, so here it is.  When your kid is hysterical, and your first move is to roll tape, you’re no parent of the year.

Pissed off Bama fan -

This is NSFW, unless you’re cool with hearing some good old-fashioned Southern racism.  And swearin’.  This is what Texasfan can look forward to in Pasadena.  This will be nothing like our little soiree with USC in 2006, where laid-back Californians in sunglasses reclined in their chairs and told us “Sure, whatever man” when we asked to bum a beer.  SEC FOOTBALL IS SERIOUS BIDNESS YOU’RE NOT SUPPOSED TO HAVE FUN THIS IS WAR BLAH BLAH BLAH.  Oh, and nice pompom, homo.

CATEGORY 3 – FUN WITH COACHES

Mike Leach –

You knew you’d see Mike Leach here, didn’t you?  If we were awarding a YouTube CFB Video of the decade, Leach would lead the country in nominations, and his visit to the Lubbock news studio might just take home the 1st place prize.  This entry is a strong to quite strong addition to an impressive YouTube portfolio.

Les Miles is a liar –

The production values of the news report are horrible as it is, but then to make things worse, this video is simply a video camera recording a television.  Ugh. However, it chronicles one of the larger stories of ‘09, and it’s a glimpse into the delicious madness of the weekly SEC Soap Opera.  Some southern dummy grabbed his VHS Handycam to record the TV broadcast of the local news, so he could show all them internet folks what a DAMN DIRTY LIAR Les Miles is.   I guess you gotta do something to keep things interesting when you’re forced to endure horrible SEC football every weekend.

Rich Rodriguez –

Rich Rod is a prick.  Are those tears coming from his eyes, or is he so full of bullshit that it’s finally leaking out of every hole?

Paul Rhoads –

Most nominees are centered around meltdowns, blunders, embarrassment, etc.  But this video is for those positive thinkers.  Anything is possible.  Even lowly Iowa State can march into Lincoln and beat vaunted Nebraska.  But one thing to remember — when Don Quixote was out tilting at those windmills, the windmills never rolled over and turned the ball over 7 times.

CATEGORY 4 – PAIN

We’ve seen these ad nauseum, so there’s not much more to say.  But they must be included, because they’re important.  The age of YouTube has one drawback — it allows us to dwell (and dwell, and dwell…) on events that, in the past, would have been forgotten with great quickness.  These relatively trivial moments of poor judgment take on a life of their own, until their significance has been completely blown out of proportion, for little reason more than that we’ve seen it so many times.

Spikes -http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=2wgNwrtOLs4

Blount -http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=33yk_QzfyiI&feature=related

CATEGORY 5 – MUSICAL CONTRIBUTIONS

Consider this category the “dark side” of the marriage between YouTube and football fanaticism.  I don’t know what possesses people to make videos like this, but I’m certainly willing to laugh at them — if I can keep my sanity after watching these.

Oregon musical entry –

Here’s what you are about to experience:

Thought #1 : “WHAT THE HELL DOES THIS HAVE TO DO WITH FOOTBALL?”
Thought #2 : “Oh, I get it now.”
Thought #3 : “THIS IS FUCKING TERRIBLE.”

Boise commercial –

Everyone makes a big deal about LaGarette Blount’s punch at the end of Oregon-Boise, but that was only the second worst travesty committed that night.  THIS COMMERCIAL WAS WORSE.  I went into this game rooting for Boise.  As soon as I watched this commercial, I started rooting for Oregon.  Blount KO’ed the wrong guy that night.

Crank Dat Horned Frog –

You’re a student at a second rate football program.  Your team is having a nice year, and you’re so excited that you want to make a “fire up” music video to tout your team’s merits to the world.  Here is my advice: DON’T.  And by all means, never form a rap duo if your names are Taylor and Carter.  And WTF with these lyrics?  “We deserve the BCS.”  What does that even mean?  I suppose you’re trying to say that you deserve an invite to the BCS Championship.  But if you want the entire BCS, please, be my guest.  Take it off of our hands so the big boy schools can finally have a playoff.  You won’t be invited to that, either, no matter how much you complain to your rich daddies.  HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH @ SMALL TIME SCHOOLS.

Only one O –

Sigh.  The generic Youtube commenter put it best, “Actually? there is [sic] two O’s in Ohio.”  Well played, sir.   Atrocious grammar.  But, still…well played.

EDITOR’S NOTE: The Aggie Yell Leader Tra La La video wasn’t a finalist.  The lawyers pulled that video down from the interwebs, disqualifying it from competition.  As consolation, here’s another (the same?) Yell Leader getting shoved by a girl, during the Texas game.  Whenever the Aggie football team fails to be a laughingstock, there are the Aggie Yell Leaders, always ready to pick up the slack.

CATEGORY 6 – EPISODIC GENIUS

Anyone can catch lightning in a bottle once and create something funny (except for this blog, apparently).  But it’s another thing to turn one funny idea into a weekly series.  Kudos to these guys for taking the viral video / college football marriage to a new and wonderous place.  I hope for much more of this in ‘10.

Stuffing the Passer -

What to do when your traditional football power program falls on its face yet again, and continues its 15 year death march through Mediocrestan?  Well, you buy some Muppet looking creatures, and you make horribly low-budget, yet funny, videos mocking your own program.  This could be a new glossary term for college fanbases.  For example, you might say that Michiganfan is about 2 seasons away from “Buying Muppets” if this Rich-Rod shit gets any worse.

Thanks to: The House Rock Built

The Lane Kiffin show (multiple episodes) –

This is why the dawn of the internet age has made being a college football fan about twelveteen bajillion times better.  Puppets, robotic computer voices (always funny), awesome usage of the Xtranormal text-to-movie app, profanity-laced scripts, YouTube, weekly SEC football scandals, and the idiot hoodlum football players with clumsy late night hijinks who set it all in motion.  Let me say this again, I LOVE COLLEGE FOOTBALL!!!!!  And here’s one more.

CATEGORY 7 – WRITE-IN VOTES

I’m sure I’ve missed some, because believe it or not I do actually have a job.  So feel free to submit your other candidates.  All good YouTubing will be considered for awards.  Happy football, everyone!

This post is tagged college football and music don't mix unless youre in a marching band, Dave Lapham, Davie Jones locker, face rape, fat little girlfriends, father daughter action, Gus Johnson, Lane Kiffin Show, Mike Leach, poker face, RichRod's bullshit, Ron Franklin, schadenfreude, SEC Soap Opera, sportsgasm, tilting at windmills, YouTube