Some of you may have been wondering: What the hell, ut-tailgaters.com?  Where’s the Texas-Bama / BCS Championship hype?  Aren’t you excited?

Well, of course I’m excited.  But I had to take a week off to rest after suffering approximately 17 heart attacks in Jerryworld last Saturday.  During Nebraska’s drive to take the 12-10 lead, I literally felt that I would vomit.  The game left me wondering why I take this shit so seriously and how many years of prime retirement-community living I’m shaving off with each excruciating nailbiter.  Edgar, would you have refunded my ticket $$ to my next of kin if I had keeled over in the stands?

Never before has a win felt so much like a loss.  This is the first Texas victory I can remember that was immediately deleted from the DVR without a second viewing.  I’m not going to lie – I was kind of scared that on the replay, the refs might not give us that extra second.

Thank you, Hunter.

But it’s time to move on and get excited about the matchup with Bama, even if the stupid Longhorn Foundation did not allot us tickets for this game, putting my entire trip to California in jeopardy.  [/murderous rage]  Dear wealthy Longhorn Foundation benefactor with extra tickets who happens to stumble upon this humble blog via Google and finds it entertaining – I welcome your donation of 2 BCS Championship tickets.  Heck, I’m even willing to negotiate.  But as Meat Loaf once sang, “I would do anything for love two BCS Championship tickets, but I won’t do THAT.”  Email me for my shipping address, wealthy benefactors.

There will be many posts about Alabama throughout the rest of the month.  I don’t really celebrate Christmas, and I certainly don’t shop, so I’ll have lots of free time this month to celebrate football.

As Rage Against the Machine sings, “Know Your Enemy.” So let’s begin with the basics about Alabama.  I know some of you need the basic introductions, since some of you refuse to acknowledge, watch, or appreciate the Southeastern Conference of Football.  Fools.  By the way, I’m not trying to kiss the ass of any visiting Bama fans, but Crimson Tide is, without a doubt, the best nickname in sports.  Come on, what can compare with that?

I hereby introduce you to the Crimson Tide.   Here’s a bunch of trivia and other nonsense about our esteemed BCS Championship opponents.  We should study Alabama closely and learn to respect and admire them, because apparently this game is a huge mismatch, and we’re simply heading to Pasadena as cannon fodder and witnesses to their coronation.  Poor little old Texas just doesn’t stand a chance.

ALABAMA 101 – Alabama history lesson –

Origin of “Crimson Tide” – The team was originally named The Thin Red Line.  Apparently the school was a big fan of war movies, 100 years before they are made.
Origin of “Elephant Mascot”, aka Big Al – Did you ever want to know why Alabama uses an Elephant for a mascot?  Did you ever care?  Won’t you look smart (or like a nerd) at the BCS tailgate when you explain this to the unknowing masses.
Origin of “Rammer Jammer Yellow Hammer”
Alabama’s fight song actually mentions the Rose Bowl.
Alabama’s first game outside of the Southeast was in, you guessed it, Austin -  I believe 1915 was also the last time that Florida played a regular season game outside the Southeast.  Cowards.

One of my favorite plays in college football history:

http://www.ricefootball.net/tackle.htm -I’m sad to learn that the famous line “I’m just too full of ‘Bama” was planted on him by some TV guy and not a sincere (insane) sentiment.

One of my other favorite plays in college football history (the last Bama title)….

Alabama was a 13.5 point underdog and won by 21.  Anyone who hated the Thug Hurricanes of the 90s (me) loved this game.  This is probably on my list of top 10 college football plays I ever watched live (live as in “as it happened” not “in person”).  Hmmm, a subject for another blog.

The 1965 Orange Bowl – Texas-Alabama, first prime-time Orange Bowl broadcast (something’s wrong with this video…why do I hear notes of Boomer Sooner?)

Reading material for the holidays or perhaps for the flight to California –

Rammer Jammer Yellow Hammer – An awesome account of college football fandom.  You’ll really love this if you’re a part of the nation’s tailgating frenzy.  When I finally win the lottery (it’s my destiny, you know), I will RV to every Horns game, home and away, for at least one season.  Home games would kind of suck, since the RV parking at UT is about 3 miles from the stadium, over by Mi Madres.  But whatever.  At least I can easily pick up awesome breakfast tacos.

Coach: The Life of Paul “Bear” Bryant – I almost fell over dead when I found my dad (LSU grad) reading this book.  But even he said it was a good one, and he hates Alabama, so it must be good.

File this away in your memory banks –

I had a dream last night that Texas was trailing Alabama by 10 points in the 4^th quarter.  Scored on a pass to Shipley to cut it to 3 with a few minutes left in the game.  Then on the first play of the next series, Mark Ingram “fumbled” a botched handoff against his hip, the ball squirted off to the side, and a blitzing Texas linebacker/db quickly changed course, scooped up the ball, and returned it for a touchdown.  Pande-frickin-monium.

Of course, in my dream I was sitting in prime seats on about the 30 yard line of the Rose Bowl, and that’s not likely to happen either, so take this with a large grain of salt.   But if this comes true, I am going to quit my job, and go into business for myself.  I’ll get paid to sleep all day and have prophetic dreams about college football.  Mmmmm…paid big bucks to sleep.  I have to go take a cold shower now.

This post is tagged Alabama Crimson Tide, championship, dreams of victory, heart attacks, Hunter Lawrence, Know Your Enemy, severe nausea